Craigslist Is For Lovers

Categories: Craigslist
Feeling voyeuristic today? Naked City sure is. We turn once more to the evergreen font of horniness that is Craigslist's "casual encounters" and "missed connections" sections. MILFs, herpes, and a particularly well-spoken tranny, after the jump.

First, we have a wonderful piece of erotic poetry written by a young man to his MILF-y beloved. I especially like all the "fire" imagery. Fire is hot, like hot, passionate, sex, get it? Let's hope she reads it and decides to help with the sizzling.


to the Redhead MILF - m4w (Park Slope)


Date: 2010-07-27, 8:04AM EDT


WOW~ You looked so sexy yesterday. Your beauty- with time only grows. 

Why did I cross the line? 
I wish I hadn't- then everything would have been fine. 
But I am a creature of the fire, 
Your body I yearn. 
For your heat, the sweet explosion of desire. 

Your touch, soft and tender. 
Your voice, full of desire 
A gasp of sweet surrender 
As passion fuels the fire 

I splash into the pleasure, all consuming; 
I'm joyfully insane, 
My passion for you deep, and fully blooming; 
Long after, sweet warm flickers still remain. 

You make my body sizzle with just the thought of you, 
I am a creature of fire and heat. 


Next, there's more off-label use of Craigslist, this time to warn everyone of the herpes sores a guy named "Mike" at "video store" (who has already had nice ads posted about him?) wants to give you. It's kind of vague, but if you meet a guy named Mike at any video store in Brooklyn, you should probably steer clear to be on the safe side. What are you doing meeting people at video stores, anyway? They are for people who want to be alone.    


I got herpes from Mike at video store - m4m - 25 (brooklyn)


Date: 2010-07-27, 2:47AM EDT


Saw an ad saying how great "Mike" was. Don't make the same mistake I did. I got herpes from a dude who told me his name was Mike. We had safe sex. It's not safe enough. Wish I could go back and change things. It's not worth it. Don't be stupid like I was. 


Next, there's a creepy ad that someone waited 8+ years to post about a girl he saw in the live studio audience of Dashboard Confessional: Unplugged on MTV. I'm not sure how he knew she was 18 at the time, or how there possibly could have been "sparks between us," but maybe it's a cute inside joke from boyfriend to girlfriend? I'm not going to get into the obvious wrongness of a grown ass man sitting through Dashboard Confessional: Unplugged, because then we'd be here all day.


Your Hair is Everywhere - m4w - 26 (Midtown)


Date: 2010-07-27, 1:22AM EDT


You: An 18-year-old in the crowd of Dashboard Confessional's MTV Unplugged (2002). You were wearing a green plunging V-neck and white necklace. 

Me: A 26-year-old sitting on my couch watching Dashboard Confessional's MTV Unplugged (2002). I am wearing jeans and a black hoodie. 

Am I wrong, or were there sparks between us? 

Do you like coffee in the evening? I'd like to know. 

  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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PostingID: 1865361728


And then there's this amazing stream-of-consciousness rant from a transexual hooker on just how freaky she's willing to get on your D*&%:


LET ME PUT IT TO YOU LIKE THIS. - t4m - 24 (brooklyn)


Date: 2010-07-27, 1:21PM EDT


Ummmm? You Want A Feaky Girl? Welcome To Yolandas Umm Let Me Think 
What Can I Do To Kick It Off How Bout I Cum All On Your D*&% And Then I Lick 
It Off. I Mean It's SomeThing so Funny When It Get Soft I Like To Play With It 
Squeeze It Like A Stress Ball He Said He Like To Hear The Sound Of Me Slurpin 
It . Turn Off his phone Cause them hoes keep On Churpin It. Tell Me That I Got The 
Fattest P(&$# In The Whole World And If I Let Him Eat It I Can Be His Ole Girl. F(&* 
I Look Like Turning Down Some Head? I Mean That's Sorta Like A Bird Turning Down 
Some Bread. You Can Eat It Like A Treat, You Can Squirt it, You Can Skeet, I'm A 
Freak I Love To Beat Just Don't Get None In My Sheets. But Every Time I Pop The 
Cuchi Gucci Start Chokin Me Now I Kinda Scared I Got A Feelin Gucci Stalkin Me. 
Sex Game Kinky, Niggas Call Me Pinky F$#^ A President I Am Yolanda Lewinsky. 

YOLANDA 
MESSAGES WITH PHOTOS GET FASTER REPLY 
3FOURSEVENIMWAITING228ONYOUTWENTYEIGHTFOURTYNINE 
GRATUITY IS ALWAYS WELCOMED AND FIRST PRIORITY 
I'M WAITING ON YOU. 





  • Location: brooklyn
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
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PostingID: 1866092141


This 27-year-old woman is looking for a position as someone's "toilet slave." "Bonus if you are dominant and seeking a toilet servant!" I'm not sure what a toilet slave does, but if it means they clean your toilet for you, then my roommates and I would like one, too.


Lastly, a breath of fresh air from a woman seeking other women with unconventionally attractive genitalia. See, ladies? Not everyone wants your bits to be tiny and perfect. Some people like vaginas that remind them of their favorite roasted meat product.


ANY GIRLS WITH A BIG FAT PUSSY WANT TO SIT ON MY FACE??? - w4w - 23 (ON MY FACE YOUR PLACE OR MINES)


Date: 2010-07-27, 12:45PM EDT


CUM SIT ON MY FACE AND SQUIRT IN MY MOUTH. i NEED A BIG FAT PUSSY TO SUCK ON. NO FUCKING MEN. I LOVE BIG CLITS AND HANGING LIPS CUM RIDE MY FACE TODAY. IF YOUR PUSSY LOOKS LIKE ANY ONE OF THESE PICS SEND ME A PIC AND COME OVER. 

  • Location: ON MY FACE YOUR PLACE OR MINES
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
image 1866005699-0image 1866005699-1
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PostingID: 1866005699 


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