Would You Choose Weight Loss Over Sex?

Categories: Science!
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Bogus study alert! According to a survey performed by that bastion of unbiased scientific inquiry Nutrisystem, almost 50% of American women and 25% of men would rather go all summer without sex than gain ten pounds. "Looks like sex has become the latest casualty in the battle of the bulge," reads the NY Post's lede. Say what?

Let's forget, for a second, that that's not a choice anyone will ever have to make (sex is one hedonistic activity that's non-fattening), and let's also forget that Nutrisystem is not, in fact, a group of scientists and sociologists in search of the truth, but part of the insanely profitable, millions-of-dollars-per-year diet industry (the entire existence of which hinges on the fact that diets don't "work.") Let's also forget that these questions are ridiculous (they asked people about all kinds of pleasures they'd give up to avoid weight gain, with the glaring exception of...fattening foods.) 

In this case, the results are sad. I have to wonder what kind of sex these people are having that they'd give it up in exchange for some quick weight loss (the holy grail for lazy American type people). I'd also like to see how these figures correlate with the percentage of women who do not regularly experience orgasms with their partners. It's a good thing this study is horribly, horribly flawed, or I might be required to take these questions seriously.

However, if an evil genie came up to me today and told me I had to choose between 1) a magically-added extra 10 lbs, and 2) having an invisible, impenetrable forcefield around my vagina for three months, here's what I would do: I'd choose option one, then lose the weight quickly (since it'd be artificially added genie weight and not my body's natural set point anyhow), by way of frequent, passionate, and vigorous lovemaking. And that, my friends, is the right answer to the question.

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