At a woebegone water theme park, the lifeguards have been replaced with strippers, and the piranhas are out in full force in this comedy thriller that pits fish against foul.

Things reach a fever pitch when David Hasselhoff, of all people, comes around to save the day bare chested and in slow motion.

And if there's anything left to chew--like scenery--it looks like Christopher Lloyd is game, with help from fellow old-timers Gary Busey and Ving Rhames plus lots of half-naked hussies.

You'd be psycho not to find this hot.

Nope.

The stud--who appeared in classics like Psycho and Spartacus--will forever live on celluloid as a chiseled mass of burning hunky love who put the "hot" back in hotel room.

Leap is the musical about a con man who connects with his faith and makes a disabled kid walk (if not exactly making people run to the box office).

It just closed after a mere 44 performances on Broadway (including previews). But it's nominated for the Tony for Best Musical, mainly because it's not Spider Man: Turn off The Dark.

Shocking, right? Well, not really. In my research, I've found three shows that ran even shorter and got Best Musical nominations.

And they were all pitch dark.

I'm going to give away some lines from Sacha Baron Cohen's new spoof, The Dictator, about a genocidal Wadiyan nitwit who learns some values in Brooklyn.

You should see the movie--it's fun--so consider this giveaway a naughty little appetizer tray.

He seemed nice.

A few nights later, he left a message saying it was great to run into me, but he wanted to make a better impression.

Rather than play games, I called right back. Strangely, I got his machine, so I left a message.

He called back two weeks later! "I just got the message. Sorry."

He muttered something about his assistant.

"First of all, he's always got this shit-eating grin on his face, like he just got a note from his managers telling him that Mimi Rogers and Nicole Kidman are extending their confidentiality agreements.

"Second, in TV interviews, Tom laughs inappropriately and much too vociferously at non-humorous declarative statements, which is ironic because in real life he can't take a fucking joke at all.

"They say that God is being taken out of our Constitution.

"Well, God isn't in the Constitution.

Nine songs from the new MDNA will be included, along with...

Heck, check out the link and see for yourself.

It's a good mix of the new, old, familiar, and unexpected.

And I mean very unexpected. Look at the list and you'll see an interesting mashup that aims to make a point about another diva.

I've performed some computer wizardry, with the help of several technological experts, and come up an image representing what the superstar would look like if she'd been born Angelo instead.

That's all I have to say about him because I honestly don't even really know who he is (other than that he's the Canadian actor who etc., etc.)

But he certainly gives good rump.