Forgive Me, Claymates, I Have Sinned!
My last attack on Clay Aiken's devoted followers, the Claymates, started on a wrong note (like so many of his concerts do). Contrary to what I wrote, his fans' parents aren't of the generation that voted for President Bush. THEY are! Claymates turn out to be crotchety old ladies, not the pimply, indiscriminately horny teenage girls I imagined them to be. What's more, Claymates are not at all Republicans, as I also wrongly assumed. Like Clay himself, the bulk of them are apparently registered Democrats because they blindly do every single thing HE does! They probably take anxiety pills and troll around online in homage to their great white god. So please accept my apologies, dear Mates, as I suddenly pretend to be "invisible." But don't be peeved if I hold onto my other saucy assertions—you know, that he's musically fromage-y and he's a big gay!