My Glamtastic Week as the Village Voice Covergirl!

As my reign winds down, I feel like a beauty queen preparing to hand over her crown (and wig and chicken wings and vodka bottles). If you haven’t seen my spread, as it were, I’ll give you one more chance to click on my immortally shameless session (“The Ultimate Re-Vamping”) spoofing Lindsay Lohan’s immortally shameless session paying homage to Marilyn Monroe’s immortally shameless session. The response to the response to the response has been dazzling! I got applause on entering the gay bar Posh—and once inside, I got groped! I got written up in Page Six, Liz Smith, Huffington Post, Salon (which did a serious appreciation), queerty, towleroad, and Perez Hilton, where the vast majority of the usually vicious commenters were kind! Even sweeter, Perez himself drew little white hearts on my titties and butt—I guess because cum was already there!

Regis and Kelly even held the paper up and talked about it in a clip I'm so proud of I've attached it for those who don’t roll out of bed in the morning and land on the remote. Reeg seemed particularly obsessed, comparing me to his producer Michael Gellman (hmm) and also noting the ad for body fat reduction smack in the middle of the spread. (By the way, I'm not even going to charge them extra for providing a five-page pictorial that helps their cause!) Meanwhile, friends came out of the woodwork to applaud my balls and even publicists who NEVER contact me had to email with cootie-laden kudos. Some people said they lost their lunch. Others said I was even prettier than Lindsay, if a little hairier. One anchorwoman snipped, “Blonde is not your color” (It’s not hers either; I could see the roots as she said it.) And a TV producer gleefully remarked, "All that whipped cream!" (But there wasn’t any! It’s amazing how a sex spread plays tricks with your mind.)

Anyway, it’s pretty much all over now, so I’m going back to wearing just panties WITHOUT a wig. Thank you all for humoring my humor.