Gossip Report: Why No News is Bad News

Recently I was reading an online gossip column and came across this un-electrifying bit of non news: "Tobey Maguire is not set to become a dad again." Fine, whoever said he was? (Oh, yeah, a trashy tabloid magazine.) The late-breaking non item reminded me that my least favorite type of informational tidbit is one telling us something ISN'T happening—though it's a great way to fill column space because the possibilities are absolutely endless.

Here are some future stories I just might use on a slow week:

*Rosie O'Donnell not set to marry Ryan Seacrest

*Movie star not suing over reports that he's straight

*Nicole Kidman not set to give up Botox injections

Dame Judi Dench won't bare it all for Maxim

Naomi Campbell not nice

And of course, my most sizzling scoop ever:

*No sequel planned for The Hottie and the Nottie!

Any other ideas, folks? Tell me something that ISN'T happening (besides my career).

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