Morality Explosion Makes Today's Celebrities Like a Virgin

If you believe the hype, there are swarms of of virgins running around Hollywood these days, all of them screaming at strangers, "I'm saving it till marriage!" A reporter just asked me for my comments on the phenomenon of stars like Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers promoting themselves as purer than cane sugar and way more chaste than chased. Well, I hate to be a cynic, but I wouldn't necessarily believe everything I read. A lot of people who say they still have hymens actually have a running tab at the local abortion clinic. And after all, this "I'm a virgin" trend is nothing the least bit new. When Britney Spears started out as a young, midriff-baring chanteuse, she claimed to be a sex-negative nun who'd never even touched anyone's manhood. But it turned out she meant "in the last five minutes." The new virgins, of course, have emerged as a response to to the caution-to-the-wind tartlet that Britney became, along with the Lindsays and Parises who regularly enjoy their hormones along with an occasional vodka stinger and pork-sword injection. I don't doubt that some of these stars are indeed wearing chastity belts to go with their ankle bracelets. And I'm absolutely thrilled that along with a rise in STDs comes a lovely spike in hand holding. But let's not forget Oscar Levant's legendary remark about 1950's sweetheart Doris Day: "I knew her BEFORE she was a virgin!"