Tina Fey Dissed Me and Probably Doesn't Even Know It

With my top-drawer press credentials for the Tribeca Film Festival, I've gotten invited to every little screening, panel, pre-party, and after-party for every single film down to the tiniest documentary about Malawian orphans who've made sand castles shaped like Santa Claus. But what's the one thing I didn't get? The festival's gala kickoff! The premiere of the much hyped wacky comedy Baby Mama, for chrissake! Even though I was one of the earliest supporters of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler and would much rather have seen this than any documentary about etc., etc. But don't blame the festival, honey. It's Universal Pictures that didn't want me! They only had the tiny little Ziegfeld Theater for the event, so they couldn't possibly fulfill my request for one shitty seat! Fuuuuuck yooooou, Universal! May your baby mama eat a pile of baby caca! And now, back to that documentary.