Jennifer Aniston Destroys My Favorite Upscale Hangout

I was heartbroken to learn that tabloided lovebirds Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer dropped by Hudson Bar & Books last week. It's my favorite completely unknown high-class place to sit and have a drink, a smoke, and a read--and since no one I know engages in that last pursuit, I never have to worry about running into anyone there. And people light up cigars there! No one knows quite why it's allowed--the French waitress tried to explain it to me once without much success--but it's obviously something to do with blackmail, I mean a private permit that allows people to puff away without worry, which to me always signaled some kind of crazy sophistication. The cutely quiet, civilized, and utterly bizarre little enclave of class in the midst of the West Village could now be ruined before it even really started and I have to blame the trendseeking Jen and John for this. Like it's not enough that they pulled Jessica Simpson's heart out and stomped it to the ground.