Sad Gay Reality: You Can't Get Picked Up in a Bar Anymore

It's true, queens! No one in a bar is cruising these days! (And I don't just mean they're not cruising ME.) The reason for this hideous turn of events is quite simple: They already got laid 80 times that day thanks to Internet hookups! And they know that when they get home, they can pile 80 more gonads up their ass! Manhunt has completely destroyed the sexual frisson in once-alluring nightspots!

Just look around: Everyone in bars walks funny because they got shtupped all day and is way too worn out to even think of another matchup at that moment. So gay hotspots have become places where you just stare into space and recuperate or perhaps find someone with whom to talk about Gossip Girl (while holding your hand over your mouth to cover up the jizz smell) before you're ready to head out and get plowed again. And because I don't have a good enough headshot to put on a dirty website, I'm missing out on everything! This is deplorable! Bring back the old days of cheap one-night stands!