Tips on Dealing With Customer Service

Calling about some problem with your old service? Well, don’t tell them that! Once you've reached the automated system, click on the number that signifies you’re ordering a NEW service! They’ll assume you want to lavish more money on their products and a dumb, old operator will pick up right away!...

Having trouble with your Verizon service and finding they’re not exactly jumping out of their afternoon nap to help? Well, simply say the words “Time Warner”—as in, “I’m going to switch my Internet service to Time Warner if you don't wake the fuck up”—and you’ll find they hop to attention right away! Worked for me!...

And finally, not thrilled with having to punch in your information (phone number, social security, etc.) every single time they switch you to a new automaton? Do you find that rather frustrating and repetitive since you already did it? Well, I have no idea what to do about that irritating inevitability any more than I know how I can say "New York, New York" any clearer to the robot at 411. (Maybe I should just sing it.) Simply keep on punching in the shit because there’s no way around it, honey. Their brain-injured system obviously can’t retain the info you just gave them two seconds ago. Even at Time Warner!!!