Madonna Only Writes Children's Books, OK?

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The cabaret show Ryan Raftery and Friends: A Solo Act At Paris Commune drew a friend of Raftery's by the name of Christopher Ciccone last week. After seeing the show, Chris gave Raftery a quote for his poster: "Dietrich...with balls."

But Chris is more prone to be mentioning another blonde bombshell with a vagina these days--his sister Madonna, whom his tell-almost-all book says is rather a beyotch (but he holds no grudges, of course). The most shocking twist of all is that this past week saw a flurry of items intimating that Madonna actually helped ghostwrite the thing. ("Not true!" squealed one New York Post columnist, attacking the irresponsible press who ran with it. Well, that would be another New York Post columnist.) Anyway, an insider tells me that not only did Madonna have nothing to do with the book, but she tried mightily to prevent pappa from giving Chris access and permission to publish old family photos. That's the Madge we know and love! With balls!