Let's Do The Time Warp With a Rocky Horror Remake?

There was only one person more horrified than moi about the supposed plan to do a remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and that's the film's creator/costar Richard O'Brien. According to imdb.com, O'Brien told the BBC, "I'm not coproducing it and I won't be involved in any way. It doesn't have my blessing. I don't know where they'll go with it really...I've even heard that they're going to put new songs in. I wrote the book, the music, and the lyrics. Where are they going to get the songs from? Who's going to do that? That's a bit strange isn't it?"

Yes, it is, especially since I imagine they'll get them by digging into the old ABBA songbook. But whatever they do, this seems like a rotten, smelly idea because the original Rocky was organic and sprang from its zany stage roots to become a filmic phenomenon that was perfect for its time. The drag, bisexual, and gay elements all blended into a campy frolic that was just shocking enough for 1975. To recreate it seems as potentially unnecessary as revisiting the already perfect The Women.

Still, if they absolutely HAVE to go ahead with this misbegotten retread, I feel the cast should be:

Frank-N-Furter: Hugh Jackman. Swish, swish.

Janet: Eva Amurri. Duh.

Brad: Zac Efron. Hubba hubba.

Eddie: Jack Black. I mean, who else?

Columbia: Zooey Deschanel. Let's forgive The Happening already.

Rocky: Whoever is sleeping with the director.