The Most Fabulous Destinations in the World

I recently had such a huge hit with my blogs about "the most overrated destinations in the world" that I'm still fielding kudos for them while hoping people don't realize I left out Detroit. Well, now it's time for the inevitable followup, which explores the flip side of the devalued coin. What are the bestest, coolest, most glamorous places worth getting dysentery for? In all my world travels, from Tokyo to Terre Haute, I've found the very tip-top spots to be:

(1) Rome, Italy. Modernity bumps into history as gorgeous people glamly ride Vespas past buildings rife with crumbling grandeur. The result is a city of wonderful textures and contradictions, and the Catholic guilt hanging in the air helps make the sex extra hot.

(2) Sao Polo, Brazil. Rio is riveting—you can see chickens eating fried chicken in the favelas—but Sao Paolo is a sprawling, throbbing metropolis with a real pulse. According to Wikipedia, it has six million Italians, three million Portuguese, three million Africans, and one million Arabs, and I've fucked them all.

(3) Bangkok. No, I didn't go for the same reason everyone else does—to find a three-year-old boyfriend—but I still felt it was rich in both saucy activity (a stripper shot a ping pong ball out of her vagina and almost blinded me) and cheap designer knockoffs ($25 for Comme des Garbage, I mean Comme des Garcons shirts).

(4) Las Vegas, Nevada. Sorry, but I live for the 24-hour neon, the cheap buffets, the dancing waters, the lack of clocks in the hotels, and the fact that as the only one not throwing my life savings away on a slot machine, this place makes me feel so superior.

(5) Vancouver, Canada. A scenic, friendly, livable place, with people weirdly shouting out of cars, "Welcome to Vancouver!" If Sarah Palin is elected, Susan Sarandon and I will promptly be moving there!