Katie Holmes To Be Protested on Opening Night

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When Katie Holmes goes onstage Thursday for the opening night performance of Broadway's revival of All My Sons, she should know that there'll be a passionate group of people waiting outside for her. To shower her with awards? Offer cash for photos of Suri? Tell her she sucked? No, to save the creature! To rescue Katie from the sad clutches of Scientology!

Maybe they'll even try to drag her away as Tom stands there, aiming a laser in her eyes to hypnotize her into place.

According to a press release from a group called Anonymous, "Current tabloids speak of Holmes' desire to escape the suffocating control of the Church of Scientology. Anonymous encourages Ms. Holmes in this respect and encourages all remaining Scientologists to leave the Church of Scientology. By virtue of the light-hearted nature of its demonstrations, Anonymous hopes to show Scientologists that there is a world outside of the Church of Scientology, a world with family and friends who miss them and want them back."

Speak for yourselves, Anonymous. I don't want Katie back. Let her stay with Tom, L. Ron, and the laser!

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