Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Was a Druggie, Druggie, Druggie

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I am always riveted when a squeaky clean sitcom star turns out to have spiraled into decay and despair. Who can ever forget that Eight is Enough starlet who found herself escaping the set of snuff films in Korea only to end up selling her body for vials of crack? (I can. What was her name again?)

Anyway, Maureen McCormick is the latest such star to reveal the dark side of the pop-culture glitterdome. Known for playing The Brady Bunch's Marcia Brady--the flaxen-haired Brady that every girl and gay boy wanted to be--McCormick spills it all in her new memoir (see above), and as a result, your image of that plucky bunch with ruddy cheeks and cracking voices will curdle like a bowl of cheese fondue that's been left in the attic since the '70s.

According to the promo materials: "McCormick struggled with anxiety, insecurity, and the weight of a family secret that nearly drove her to the edge of insanity, all while playing the most popular girl on television. She ended up in a decades-long struggle to overcome drug addiction, depression, weight issues, and the seemingly impossible task of living up to Marcia's perfection.

"McCormick unflinchingly reveals it all: Her romance with Barry Williams, the behind the scenes conflicts and jealousies, the heartbreaking death of her onscreen father and friend Robert Reed, her own dysfunctional family, her early dating (including Michael Jackson and Steve Martin), her years of substance abuse, the cocaine binges and drug-fueled parties at the Playboy mansion and the home of Sammy Davis, Jr. with Hollywood's elite, her unwanted pregnancy, her sex-for-drugs one-night-stands, and ultimately how she found the love, support, and faith that helped her triumph over such extreme adversity."

And that's all in the first chapter!

But wait a minute. She "dated" Jacko and somehow still got pregnant? And she eventually resolved all her problems via faith and family? In other words, through the very same values that shot her to hollow fame in the first place and led to her utter decrepitude? Now THAT'S funny.

At least she never had to flee the set of a snuff film.

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