Never Trash Someone's Ex!

I mean it, people. Never tell a friend that their boyfriend or girlfriend was all wrong for them, even if they swear they've just broken up with the person and never want to see them again. Going along with your pal's grief is always trouble because they inevitably get back together with the estranged one and forget they were even mad at them! And then you're stuck with organic eggs on your face, squirming in embarrassment as the individual forever known to your friend as "the freak who told me the love of my life is a shitbucket."

This has happened to me so many times! A buddy will call, falling apart crying, about how it's all over with their loved one--he/she turned out to be a cheater/skank/whore and they should rot in hell with Jerry Falwell. To console them, I generally say something like, "I never cared for them anyway. You can do so much better. He/she is subpar intellectually, treated you like crap, and on top of that has terrible hygiene. You're so much better off, darling. I absolutely hate he/she!"

That seems like the humane thing to say--and besides, I usually DO hate them. But then, the next day, when I call to see if my friend is OK, they usually reply, "Huh?" "You were in agony over your breakup yesterday," I remind them. "Oh, yeah," they say. "It was just a minor tiff--I overreacted. We had hot sex last night. But I told him/her what you said and they are not happy about it!"

And so, time and again, my compassion and honesty has led to ME having a rotten relationship with someone. Next time, I'll cork it up and just say "Uh-huh." Kindly do the same for Mama Musto!