Congratulations, President Obama!

You have made history and you've done so with tremendous honor and integrity. America has turned out in full force to say, "You're our hope. We'll take you up on your offer of change. We're tired of deceit, waste, greed, and war. We are desperate for you to lead us out of this hole and into a new era of prosperity and acceptance."

Voters responded to your intelligence, your ideals, and your refusal to take McCain up on his various desperate smear campaigns. A vote for you was a vote against four more years of this petty Republican mess and as a result, America in late 2008 suddenly seems like a far more sparkling place to be. In fact, your victory has us smashed to the tits, hanging from chandeliers, and screaming in the streets with joy and relief. Now help guide us out of our hangover and into a much brighter era of rights and renewals. Keep your word or hope will turn to mush one more time. We'll be watching you like hawks--I mean doves--to make sure you don't become grossly corrupted like the rest of them. But in the meantime, congratulations!