What People's Sex-Ad Descriptions Really Mean

By now, I can deftly translate what guys are actually saying when they describe themselves in certain ways on dirty websites. For example:

"I have a six-pack" means "in the fridge."

"I'm 25" means "I'm a dyslexic 52-year-old."

"No fats or femmes" means "except me."

"I'm versatile" means "I'll do anything that makes ME feel good."

"Not looking to hook up" means "My boss might be looking at this, so I have to be a bit coy. Of COURSE I'm looking to hook up! Why else would I be on a dirty website?"

And of course "I'm a top" generally means--duh--"I'm a bottom"!

Any other sex-talk decodings? (Not that you would know.)