Add Inches To Your Ding-Dong

I was semi conscious the other night when I could swear I heard a commercial for Extenze, the badly spelled pill that supposedly makes men's woo-woos magically grow without surgery. My dick shriveled as I bolted into submission and watched the rest of the ad, in which various straight-faced people testify that this shit really works, though they coyly won't specify just which private part it refers to. Does Extenze make your tummy grow? Your nose? Or maybe your butt crack? I can do all that quite effectively on my own, thank you! But oh, wait, they mean it pumps up your cock? Well, how would it work--by actually taping the pill onto the tip of it?

A genital glance at the product's website reveals that there are various herbal ingredients that help this growth spurt to happen, most notably "horny goat weed". Well, no wonder the goats are so horny. Their schlongs are probably ginormous!

But does something this hideously dirty and racy (and bogus) really belong on TV in the first place? Of course it does--it's positively innocuous compared to all the prime-time drugs that make your rectum leak. And while we're growing things, let's bring on Ladies Extenze, for way bigger vajajays!