What Can We Live Without In A Depression?

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We're all grimly paring down our spending budgets in the wake of the great new depression. But some things are way easier to live without than others. While I refuse to stop buying my weekly apples at the Farmer's Market--they're only a dollar for a bag of 10, for chrissake--other stuff can surely be crossed off my shopping list without a second's remorse.

Let's all agree to say goodbye to:

*Cab rides. I'm too old to try that old "Can I blow you in lieu of a tip?" routine. Besides, walking 14 miles a day is great exercise.

*Coat check. I may look a little silly walking around nightclubs with a winter's coat, gloves, and a scarf, but people buy it because I've long promoted myself as an icon of ridiculousness.

*Chipping in for restaurant dinners. When the bill comes, just lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour--and while you're in there, load up on toilet paper and liquid soap! You can also bond more intimately with all your other friends who are locked in there.

*Friends' birthday gifts Simply tell them, "I sent a check to some refugee rights organization in your name. I knew that's what someone of your integirty would want in this time of crisis."

*Hamburgers. Have you ever noticed that Hamburger Helper tastes pretty fine all by itself?


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