Attention Fatties: Don't Wear Slimming Things!

I just saw a plus-sized woman in a restaurant and it was clear that she was wearing a solid black tent dress because it's supposed to be marvelously slimming. And it's true, a loose-fitting black shmatte generally does make you look like a bit less of a whale. But that ultimately didn't work for me because all I could see was the effort that had gone into her consciously choosing something that's supposed to whittle away the pounds. The mixed messages being sent were (a) I look thinner; and (b) I'm TRYING to look thinner--and the second message ended up overwhelming the first like a food addict inhaling onion rings at Burger King.

The dress didn't fool me for one second because all that registered was the thought process that had led to its usage and the magical act it was being counted on to project to the public. That's way too much pressure to put on one little outfit. I'm not saying fatties should go in the other direction and wear horizontal stripes, but I'd say they should just wear whatever the fuck they want and if they look fat, well, that's because they ARE fat. And what are they doing in restaurants anyway?