It's Hard Out Here For a Bottom
Cleaner than Martha Stewart's curtains
It's got to be rough to be a bottom in the modern gay world. First of all, you have to pretend you're a top--or more likely versatile, claiming to everyone you meet that you "only bottom once in a while and only for the right guy." Even if they didn't ask!
Secondly, you have to constantly run to the bathroom and take care of business every five minutes or so, making sure you're cleaner than Martha Stewart's curtains, just in case you get picked up that night. It's like you're constantly preparing for a colonoscopy that never happens!
What's more, you have to decide just what kind of bottom you are and go through with that on the rare occasion when a connection DOES happen. I mean, are you a pig bottom, power bottom, raunchy bottom, aggressive bottom, or just the bottom of the barrel?
I'll stick to being a top. And I don't mean versatile!