Down With Gay Marriage and Gays in the Military!

Two of the biggest issues in politics today are that the gays want to get married and also crave to openly be prancing around the military. It's cuckoo times two! While I fully understand the importance of these advances--and I'll fight for them to my gay death--I couldn't imagine two more horrible things for me, personally. I HATE the idea of getting married (It's an admission of utter defeat) and besides, I always thought one of the good things about being gay is that your parents can never ask, "Why aren't you married already?"

I also detest the idea of going abroad and killing people! It's extremely unsavory and lately it's not even done for any kind of good cause! (Though the sex in the barracks is probably h-o-t.)

So shouldn't we just fight for something else--like nicer linens?