Tell Me Your Worst Airplane Experiences!

Categories: Featured, Travel

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NASA

I was once on a flight from London to New York when a loud bang seemed to hit the body of the plane. I went into in a panic, certain something mechanical had died and soon enough I'd be joining it. "What's going on?" I asked the flight attendant, sweating torpedoes. "I'm just collecting orange rinds," she replied, smiling, "because you can't bring fruit across continents." "Not that, dingbat!" I shrieked. "I don't give a shit about orange rinds! What about that ghastly boom I just heard?"

"Oh!" she chirped. "We were just hit by lightning. It's OK. It happens all the time. There's usually no damage to the engine." "Usually?" I screamed, with such terror in my voice that the gremlin on the wing jumped off. "Fucking usually"? What followed were the longest five hours of my life--I turned religious 20 times over--and though it turned out to be completely uneventful and we did end up landing safely, I can never look at fruit in quite the same way again.

And now, your airborne horror tales. Sudden altitude drops? Birds in the engine? Soggy pasta?


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