How To Deal with NYC Cockroaches

 Before I lived in a luxury high-rise, I had to deal with large, feisty cockroaches who were even grosser than the landlord. And though my mother lined the apartment with Combats--always a bizarre sight when visitors walked in--the little creatures would reappear anyway, detemined to fill my life with slimy joylessness while nabbing a place to live for free.

A can of Raid was always good to have around, but you'd have to carry it at all times so you could be quick on the trigger if a roach surfaced out of the corner of your eye. Sleeping with Raid in your hand becomes a natural occurrence in this fight-to-the-finish war zone.

And though Boric acid works, you'd have to sprinkle it with restraint or else the roaches see it as a giant snowdrift and run the other way.

Of course there's the old stomping-them-with-your-foot routine--but who's gonna clean off your expensive designer shoe? Maybe get the rats to lick it off?

I just don't know! What's the most effective way you deal with an infestation of roaches? Or are you one of those PETA types who simply sidles up to them and coos, "Have a nice life, darling. You are loved"?