The Worst Opening Act Ever

The most treacherous thing about going to concerts--aside from having large people in front of you insist on standing and belching along through the whole thing--is that the opening act tends to be a total crapshoot. Sometimes it's an up-and-coming talent who's an absolutely perfect fit for the headliner. And sometimes it's John Sebastian.

I once saw the queen of soul, Aretha Franklin, in concert, and Sebastian had weirdly been chosen to open for her. What a study in opposites that didn't attract! Sebastian--a founder of the feelgood '60s band The Lovin' Spoonful--is a scrawny white guy with about as much soul as my aunt Angie after slaving over a meatball lasagna all day. I have nothing against him personally--in fact, he's been an influential presence in music--but as he proceeded to sweetly warble "Welcome Back" (his theme song from the sitcom Welcome Back, Kotter), I had a strange urge to rush the stage and grab him by the neck.

Ever been through a similarly unappetizing musical appetizer?