I Was a Dick in a Box For Halloween
Whatever I was, I made to sure to flaunt my big bow and fiberoptic hat while watching the big parade--though my box was getting drenched and all I could see was a sea of umbrellas and an occasional bouncing skeleton or Lady Gaga impersonator.
So I bolted and dashed to Linda Simpson's party at the Ukrainian National Home, where I was photographed with the high-eyebrowed silver people in the main shot and with vampy Christian Freedom below.
Then it was on to Lucky Cheng's, the Cock, Urge, and VIG 27, all of which were whimsical, mindless, and perfect for a budget. I've never seen so many enema nurses in my life--and not all of them were pretending!
The only place NOT on our journey of the living dead was the gay lounge DTOX because they scarily insisted on a five-dollar admission fee! I'm sending them an apple with a razor blade as we speak.