Why I'm Mad About The Carrie Prejean Sex Tape

But just the fact that a tape like that exists makes my own chest swell with fury!

Surely, Carrie will ultimately sneak the video onto SOME site that has no qualms--hey, try this one, honey--thereby grabbing lots of press which will help promote her tell-all book. (The one she's writing, not anything she's reading. Duh.)

And it will make her every bit the slutty sensation Paris Hilton became thanks to her videotaped sexcapade--the one Paris was sort of mad at until it made her really, like, famous.

Already, Carrie's topless shots gave her a bunch of street cred, along with cementing her massive name recognition--and nipple recognition too. Once the video leaks out like silicone, it will make her bigger than a Macy's Thanksgiving Day float (which she's inflated enough to be, by the way. Damn--more publicity.)

So let's stop this tape from surfacing! Except for right here!