Coco Before Tautou: Katharine Hepburn Sings!

Get out your Tums, kids, because this one's gonna hurt.

You see, in 1969, screen legend Katharine Hepburn played designer Coco Chanel in the splashy Broadway musical Coco.

I always regretted having missed that one, but thanks to the above YouTube clip from that season's Tony awards, I no longer lose sleep over the loss.

The number has a mind-numbing array of svelte women (and one semi-chubette) parading around in red outfits to drearily overarranged elevator music. Stick that out, though, because then comes the prize: La Hepburn croaking out a few showstopping lyrics with a lack of musicality that makes Rex Harrison look like Caruso by comparison.

No wonder the Tony voters decided that Lauren Bacall's slightly less atonal belch-singing in Applause was more palatable that year.

They should have called this show Loco!