Today's Teen Idols are Too Bland!
The Jonas Brothers are about as cutting edge as three hedgehogs.
Justin Bieber looks freshly born, except for the weird comb-forward.
And Miley Cyrus has the demeanor of a truckstop waitress, which I like, but she's been drained of all sex appeal and turned into a chirpy slice of American cheese.
That's why I have to extra-love my girl Kesha.
She's the new Britney, but even trashier.
Kesha--with a dollar sign for an 's'-- snarls, rolls around in bowling lanes, scowls, rolls her eyes, and freely embraces her outer skank while singing and entertaining the crap out of me.
She holds a mirror up to my very soul!
Thank you, Kesha. Blah blah blah.