Meet Your Mate at a New Live Dating Show

"Those who can't, teach," so I gamely helped match up a nice young woman named Lorraine with the best of three available suitors last night at The Fix-Up Show, a live dating extravaganza done by J. Keith van Straaten up at the swingin' Triad.

I was on the decision-making panel with Lisa Levy and Mike McKenna, grilling the three guys and making sure they were who Lorraine -- a copywriter/athlete with a lust for working-class Joes -- would want to spend her life with, or at least a few hours and a fizzy nightcap.

It turned out one suitor works as a stagehand for The View, but he wouldn't cop to being the one who gets Elizabeth Hasselbeck her crack cocaine every morning. (I was totally kidding with that question. I'm sure she's just on Red Bull and Wheaties.)

Another guy was well-spoken but a little too slick, making me fear poor Lorraine might end up with an American Psycho on her hands, all thanks to me.

Just to be safe, we went with the nice Irish guy who works as a comic and doesn't think visiting a graveyard is a good idea for a date.

The View person actually thought it sounded like fun! See what working with the Hassel can do to you?

Anyway, the show was light and entertaining and, last I heard, Lorraine is alive and not unhappy.