Tell Me Something Useful

• Through practice and increased awareness we have both overcome this.

• Aw, this was such a quality write-up. In theory I would like to write this way as well - taking serious focus to create a very good piece of writing... nevertheless what could I say... I put things off all the time and by no means seem to get things done...

• I have experimented with bleaching gels and trays and I've had great results, but I had to leave them in for 1 hour each night. I was wondering if these bleaching pens are any good, has anyone tried them? It would be much more convenient if you could just use the pen a couple of times a day and carry one with what you were doing.

• Don't shit where you eat.

• Don't read or play handheld video games in the restroom. It causes hemorrhoids.

• mix orange and blue paint for a nice warm brown - however, do not let aliens from outer space see that color, they find the color brown offensive.

• never ogle your date! it's rude and proves that all you care about is the other person's physical appearance. the man should pick up the dinner tab on the first date.

• Generally odd numbered streets in Manhattan run west and even numbered streets run east (E = east & even is a good way to remember). Odd numbered buildings are on the north side of streets and east side of avenues; even numbered buildings are on the south side of streets and west side of avenues. If a lightbulb breaks in the socket, use a potato to get it out. Stick the potato into the remaining shards of glass or bulb stump and rotate clockwise to remove. Do not eat the potato afterwards.

• It is rude to fart in an elevator, though in a revolving door is a riot.

• Don't sleep in the subway, darlin'

• It seems Vodka has more usefulness to it than just getting people inebriated. http://www.funfacts.com.au/the-many-uses-of-vodka/

• For healthier potato salad, use white yogurt and olive oil instead of mayonnaise.

• Remember to check the air in your tires. Have Seafood Newburg on hand in case your oaf of a husband brings his stupid coworkers home to mooch a free meal. Use whitening toothpaste (not gel) to clean silver, including rings.

• A full load of clothes dry quicker than half a load.

• If you have trouble with a key fitting into a door lock, pour a tiny bit of cooking oil onto the teeth of the key and push the key in and out of the lock a few times. That will lubricate the lock so the key fits in more smoothly.

• Do a feature on the Kristy McNichol and her controversial feature "White Dog."

• The monn is not made of cheese.

• The monn is not made of cheese.

• From Dorothy Parker: "Three be the things I shall have till I die -- Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye!"

• From Dorothy Parker: "Three be the things I shall have till I die -- Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye!"

• Warm the head of his penis with your breath. This is a sensual way of saying "hello."

• Warm the head of his penis with your breath. This is a sensual way of saying "hello."

• How to overcome shyness Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensitization. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed to be cathartic. http://www.datingclass.com/dating/cure-to-shyness.shtml

• How to overcome shyness Probably the best way to overcome shyness is Systematic (or Graduated) Desensitization. This is contrasted with a technique called "flooding," in which the shy person is immediately exposed to a feared situation. This experience is supposed to be cathartic. http://www.datingclass.com/dating/cure-to-shyness.shtml

• If someone is grinding your lower lip with a vice-like bite, squeeze there nose hard like a lemon to release their grip. Back at ya'. Sincerely, Cookie Cutter

• If someone is grinding your lower lip with a vice-like bite, squeeze there nose hard like a lemon to release their grip. Back at ya'. Sincerely, Cookie Cutter

• Don't try to break a window. Just because you saw it on TV once does not mean it looks that easy. For one thing your windows are likely made of actual glass.

• Don't try to break a window. Just because you saw it on TV once does not mean it looks that easy. For one thing your windows are likely made of actual glass.

• Wrap leftover celery in aluminum foil...it won't go limp in fridge for weeks!

• Wrap leftover celery in aluminum foil...it won't go limp in fridge for weeks!

• hold your breath for 3 minutes while standing on one leg to make hiccups disappear

• hold your breath for 3 minutes while standing on one leg to make hiccups disappear

• Your fly is undone.

• Your fly is undone.

• to get rid of fruit flies, pour some shitty wine in a small container over a slice of lemon. cover the container with saran wrap and poke it with a bunch of holes using a toothpick.

• to get rid of fruit flies, pour some shitty wine in a small container over a slice of lemon. cover the container with saran wrap and poke it with a bunch of holes using a toothpick.

• Don't pick your nose and eat it!

• Don't pick your nose and eat it!

• Don't eat right before you go to bed.

• Don't eat right before you go to bed.

• To see if your milk has curdled, pour it into a cup with a tiny bit of coffee. If it's OK, then pour the rest of the coffee.

• To see if your milk has curdled, pour it into a cup with a tiny bit of coffee. If it's OK, then pour the rest of the coffee.

TotalComments: 42