Bed Bugs Are Way Worse Than Mice

Friends don't let friends do bed bugs.

See, Vodka and her boyfriend (yes, she has a boyfriend, too!) suffered the horror of bed bugs last year and they're still having flashbacks about the 30 bags of laundry -- and other drastic measures -- required to bid them adieu.

And now that the pesky pests are long gone, Vodka's boyfriend has noticed a mouse, which he's dubbed Beatrice the Asshole, holding court in their house and even tapdancing on the microwave in hopes of snagging some Land o'Lakes.

As long as Beatrice doesn't go in her asshole, I think Vodka will find the little varmint a Disney-esque day in the park compared to those hateful bed bugs.

But if I weren't a friend of a friend of a card-carrying member of PETA, I'd suggest possibly opening the microwave door and...