Black Swan, Cyndi Lauper, South Beach, and Cockpit Jokes!

I romp around the Black Swan premiere party, where the film's same-sex hallucinations loom in the kissy-kissy air.

I take you to the Quentin Tarantino roast, where jokes about Travolta, Seacrest, and Tyler Perry were gayer than a male ballet dancer.

And I swoop down to Miami for Art Basel; Atlantic City for Cyndi Lauper; and everywhere on earth for a comp hors d'oeuvres.

It's a tour de force, and I'd love you to read it so I won't be forced to tour. Again.