Lady Gaga Is Our Real Leader

She's just done so much--and worn so much--that her tweets seem to carry more weight than the mixed messages that sometimes stream out of Washington.

But in between stroking her meat dress, I take time to gleefully dissect all the other notables who strove for prominence this year:

Sarah and Bristol Palin

George Rekkers and his boy toy

Charlie Sheen and his scared hooker

Mel Gibson and the terrified ex

James Cameron and the triumphant ex

And on and on until you might feel you've learned a little too much about the state we're living in (which mercifully isn't Alaska).

There are even Chad Griffith-photographed shots attached in which I portray some of the above bright lights, only a little more head-injured.

Please click on both pages of the essay so you can see all the photos.