A-List: New York Star: "You're Not a Cunt!"

The whole thing made the Golden Globes look credible by comparison.

They said I should get there at 10. I did and was greeted with a full patdown and body search. I was also told I'd be going on after some act that would be hitting at around 12:15!!!

I ran home and dragged my ass back much later. I was charged for coat check. No one knew when any show or presentation would go on. Someone was waiting to get paid, but the guy with the money wasn't showing. There were about 25 people in the whole place, including "honorees" and gogo dancers. Thanks to awful promotion -- which a real promoter had warned me about -- it was alarmingly squalid and quite sad.

At 12:50, I grabbed the incredible honor -- a glass orb that weighed 20 pounds -- off the bar and snuck out the door, where a woman was screaming at one of the "promoters." Something about assault and battery and false representation and how she'd love to to call the cops.

Maybe they thought she was a cockroach and hit her with the grotesque award.

But, hey, that obscures the only nice moment of the evening.

One of the A-List stars from Logo -- who was there to see Mike Ruiz pick up one of these outrageous orbs -- told me, "We thought you were a big cunt!

"But I told them you're not a cunt at all.

"You're just saying what we're all thinking.

"After [our trip to] Philadelphia, we love you."

Cunt you just cry? It was my real Glitz award.