The Five Most Boring Types of Commenters on a Blog

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This isn't aimed at you folks, mind you.

Just at people on other blogs who weigh in with unbearably cliched comments safe from the anonymity of their armchair.

(5) The "yawn" trolls. You know, the ones who comment "zzzzz" no matter what you write. They just love pissing on any subject because it doesn't spark them to a life-changing inspiration. Do they ever offer anything better by way of a topic or idea? No! They're a yawn.


(4) Similarly: The "Who cares about her?" troll. There'll be some major celebrity that everyone on earth is talking about, but this person is always convinced they're of no interest whatsoever!


(3) The ones who can only read the title. It's too much to ask them to get through an actual 150-word paragraph. Recently, I wrote about Snooki's book being next to Poe's on a shelf. "They're both horror writers," I wrote. Chimed in a commenter, "They're both horror writers."


(2) But getting back to other blogs: The troll who thinks the height of wit is to call someone fat, ugly, old, or stupid. This type of person is always young, svelte, and gorgeous, I'm so sure.


(1) The nitpicker. You can write a long treatise on the history of cinema and they'll chime in with something like "Amadeus was in 1984, not 1983."

Everybody now: Yawn!!

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22 comments
T. Alessandro
T. Alessandro

You're blessedly free of them, but the Republikkkooks, Tea Pottiers and Conservatrolls who fester on Yahoo! and numerous other sites exceed all the above by several factors of 10. Many seem to think that whatever Glenn Dreck vomited out the day before is the most important news of all time. That is, when they're not parroting Sean Hannity.

Cripes
Cripes

The ones who know exactly who all the other anonymous people.

As in "Commenter #3 is a shill!"

kane
kane

The thought of having a lot of commenters on your blog is oftentimes better than actually having a lot of commentors on your blog.

latenitebump
latenitebump

that´s the wonderful thing about america (usa). the right to free speech dispite what you or i may think. so, bring the nosie!

Melinda9
Melinda9

I'm always afraid I'm going to be Troll #3 and write something that somebody already posted. In fact I'm sure I've done it on this blog, but you couldn't delete comments. Not even sure if you can now.

Frederick Szczepanski
Frederick Szczepanski

Short comments are just copy/pasted so that people can boost their web site links in-bound to their site on popular web sites...

Michael Alig Fan
Michael Alig Fan

Don't forget the anti-Club Kid posters. We all know Michael Alig is the man who will come back and reshape the New York nightlife. What do you think, Musto?

MarkyMark
MarkyMark

Commenters who start a lengthy flame-war over who's correctly guessing the answer to a blind item.

Guest
Guest

You have to understand that hate is a different kind of love. In my opinion it's a compliment that they comment, but sometimes when it's the first comment it can derail the discussion.

I've been trolled and stalked online and the people behind it obviously find me fascinating to keep it up for two years. It makes me feel like Britney Spears and they're the paps. Don't worry about losers that troll your blog, but try to respond to the ones that contribute something. You can't control it in a forceful way but you can direct it subtly.

As a person commenting, it's fun to "leapfrog" these people when possible and simply write a response to the person above them like they didn't exist.

I do sometimes add a link because I want people to hear my music but I wouldn't post a comment just to add a link. I've been a fan for a long time.

David Dust
David Dust

Woops! Sorry ... that was for some fat, ugly, old and stupid Blogger who can't spell and always writes about stuff no one cares about. Not you. NEVER you, Darling.

franco
franco

In your blog's case, the M. Jackson, A. Lambert leaping lemmings.

For those who overuse Typographical emoticons,

8===D Yours!

: - )

Ding
Ding

I hate the ones who don't know "your" from "you're" or "their" from "there". Did they grow up in Appalachia?

Parnell
Parnell

The ones that just say "LOL" or "ROTFLMAO" and consider that witty.

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

The "piggy-backing" commenter who always ends his/her comment with their site address

Charlap
Charlap

The big defender. "Chris Brown has been through a lot and he's apologized and you don't know what's going on in his mind and he only did it once and...."

Yelphets
Yelphets

(6) Person who just says Yeah!, Exactly, Haha...

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