'You Gotta Get A Gimmick' Rewritten By Me!
I have a lot of free time, folks, so I've sat down and retooled "You Gotta Get a Gimmick" from Gypsy as if it were sung by Lana Turner, Rita Hayworth, and Ava Gardner to rising starlet Kim Novak back in the 1950s.
Before you call the men with the white suits, check out this theater queen flight of fancy and see if it deserves a Broadway production -- or at least dinner theater.
"YOU GOTTA GET A GIMMICK" (1950s Hollywood remix)
You can act, you can act, you can act, act, act
That doesn't make you rich
I can't act, I can't act, I can't act, act, act
But I'm quite a sexy bitch
You will look much better
If you wear a sweater
It's a revolution in breasts
Cause if you wear a sweater
You'll be passing your screen tests
You can oomph, you can oomph, you can oomph, oomph, oomph
That's how burlesque was born
But I oomph and I oomph and I oomph, oomph, oomph
As if I'm in Spanish porn
I am so Hispanic
And I dance real manic
I never have to sweat to get laid
So don't be in a panic
You will never play a maid
Me I uh, me I uh, me I uh, uh, uh
That doesn't spell success
So I uh and I uh any man on earth
Who's a total mess
Dressy wessy Ava
Is doing you a favor
By telling you you have to date trolls
Cause if you schtup an asshole
Kimmie girl you'll reach your goals
You're more than just a mimic
When you got a gimmick
Take a look how different we are
Date someone ugly, anyone that's ugly...
You'll look much better if you wear a sweater...
Be muy Hispanic, dancing very manic...
Get yourself a gimmick and you -- too --
Can be a star!