Black Party Aftermath: Here's the Raunchy Stuff I Missed

​My last week's column about the annual gay debauch called the Black Party related how I hung out at Roseland till 2 a.m. looking for the raunchy stuff, then came back at 9:30 a.m. because I heard that's when Sodom really hooks up with Gomorrah.

And all I could find was some oral action, a hand job, and a dark room where other shenanigans were going on, but you couldn't see it so it was like a tree falling in the forest. A very large tree.

But various sources have since told me what I missed:

Punching and slapping episodes (and not by Chris Brown).

A guy inserting an eight ball into some human orifice. (A hole in one, as it were.)

And a porn star and his boyfriend peeing and cumming on each other while in mid-air.

"It was very Cirque du Soleil," gushed an attendee, in all seriousness.

I am so appalled! That I missed it!

Next year, I'm propping my eyes -- and legs -- open and staying all night without a break.