Donald Trump Was Actually Born!
Yes, as an actual human.
The mogul has proven that by providing his birth certificate, dispelling suspicions that he might have just evolved out of protoplasm under a table.
This all came up because Trump wants to run for President and is actively campaigning on various talk shows and comedy roasts.
And he's adamant that there's something fishy abut the way Obama hasn't shown his birth certificate, though lately he's been mercifully starting to show his balls.
On The View, Whoopi Goldberg countered that there's racism behind this move, seeing as she's unaware of a white President ever having been asked to produce a birth certificate.
Trump later responded that John McCain was asked (Yeah, but he didn't win, remember?) and also Dubya. (Yeah, but that must have been a fake.)
The problem with Trump's proof is that it turns out it reportedly isn't an actual birth certificate, just a document supplied by the hospital.
I still don't believe he was born!
And by the way, it's from Jamaica Hospital! The Donald was born in the Caribbean, not in the U.S.!
Oh, it's not that Jamaica? Never mind.