The Five Worst Sexual Techniques

• It could work if they're really hot.

• Greek shower is puking, not peeing. Some people are actually into it! I thought the "whore's bath" was called also French bath. Just washing the parts that tend to stink. Maybe because whores and the French are having sex so much, they don't want to dry out their skin by washing everything every hour on the hour.

• No need for the hateful anti-Pakistani verbiage, racista. And he probably means "santorum spray." I.e., Greek sex (anal) + santorum shower = a big mess.

• It was called bad sex, dear. Maybe if you'd been better she'd have been shaking like an electric eel. It happens, you know.

• Killing yourself while having sex. This happened to legendarily weird director Hubert Cornfield ( "The Third Voice," "Pressure Point," "The Night of The Following Day") The woman he was doing it with slit her throat. Talk about "Was it good for you?" That's the definitive "No!"

• Bi men who tell you " I don't give head, I only get it?" Followed by me saying "Bye bye bi"

• contrived 'sex talk'. distracting and creepy! if it's not spontaneous, it's just lame.

• Are we having fun yet? I'm just asking. Ain't nothing moving but the fish in the tank.

• Heheehe I was married to a woman who just lay there with No emotion. Last time we were together I kept looking back over my shoulder to see if the authorities were going to arrest me for necrophilia!

• Don't you mean 'Golden Shower' ??? According to my Bible, Urban Dictionary, a Greek Shower is: - only washing stinky parts of the body, arm pits, ass, balls, quick application of aftershave. Ex: I already took a shower yesterday, so I'm only taking a greek shower today. - using a deodorant rather than getting washed. Ex: I smell like a paki's arsehole, i better have a greek shower.

• "You forgot slobbering!!! Too much licking and kissing. Yuck". Some people can't help it if they've gone through a dry spell.

• Giving someone a Greek shower when they didn't expect it.

• snorting coke off of each other´s bodies while doing it!

• Farting while getting head is pretty goddamn rude!

• Falling asleep.

• An M of receptivity. Ha. I bet Updike was lousy in the sack.

• But biting hurts so good!

• Sexting aside, do you foresee a <b>Bad Sex in Texting Award</b> to draw attention to the crude, tasteless, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in modern texting, and to discourage it. The <b>Literary Review</b> presents the annual <b>Bad Sex in Fiction Award</b> to the author who produces the worst description of a sex scene in a novel. Updike, a past nominee for his novel Villages, wrote about Faye, who "leaned back on the blanket, arranging her legs in an M of receptivity", while her partner was "like the most abject and craven supplicant who ever exposed his bare ass to the eagle eyes of a bunch of crows".

• Soooooooo you're saying texting in the middle of sex is bad? I need to add that to my list of things not to do anymore. Thanks for the heads up Michael.

• I knew someone who simultaneously texted all the details of his encounter, which takes multi-tasking to a whole new level. The poor guy's cell phone ended up in the microwave on "Defrost."

• You want oral sex on you but you won't give oral sex on them!

• If you're a hetero woman, number 4 is standard!

• Refusing to swallow.

• Just lying there like a dead fish.

• You forgot slobbering!!! Too much licking and kissing. Yuck.

• (2) Acting like it's your first time and it really hurts Oh, please, honey! Save it for acting class! HEE HEE HEE!

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