The Worst Pizza in the Country

Categories: Food

mac-and-cheese-pizza.jpg
It's hard to go wrong with pizza. Some dough, a dash of tomato sauce, and a pile of cheese will pretty much do the trick every time.

But when you do come across a misfiring slice, it's not just bad -- it's a world crisis.

It's a supermodel's hip-hop album.

It's a B-movie star's first novel.

It's a marriage between a male has-been and a female Oscar winner.

It's a beggar with a cell phone.

And I know from bad pizza!

Having tried virtually every slice in this great nation, I can tell you that the lousiest one of all is most assuredly to be found at:

Any pizza place in South Beach Miami.

They just don't know how to do it!

It's like something that popped out of a post-apocalyptic oven and all the seasonings in the world aren't going to remove the hint of molten lava.

Do you need to have more pronounced seasonal weather changes to be able to make good pizza?

The Miami shit is so clueless you wonder if the sun has rotted these people's minds.

In fact, another place with too much sunshine -- L.A. -- has terrible pizza, too, but not nearly as awful as South Beach's.

Where have you had really bad pizza?

And yes, Sbarro counts.

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41 comments
iPhone4 case
iPhone4 case

At first you will never have to wonder that it was a good pizza. But after all it is not, it might be pleasing to see and think that it was luscious but once you bite it, you'll n]know the real pizza.

Blah
Blah

The worst pizza I had was in the Dubai airport. It was pita bread with some sort of tomato based sauce with a slice of white cheese (I don't think it was mozzarella since there was no taste to it) on top. Absolutely disgusting.

Optikdave
Optikdave

Penn Station about 1973 kept warm by an incandescent light bulb, yuck

Helene
Helene

Actually, the worst pizza I ever had was in Rome, Italy. There was no cheese (and this was back in the day, before that sort of thing was done), and the sauce was cold. Go figure.

Young Scuba
Young Scuba

I'm surprised no one has said the oval pizza served at public schools since I was 5 (I'm turning 20 fyi)

RickShur
RickShur

All the places that are really money laundering outposts have the worst pizza. They don't actually want your business, so they leave a couple of nasty, dried out pies with a few pieces of broccoli on them, to sit in the window all day attracting flies--the few that are so desperate that they can't find any better shit to land on.

Victorherbert
Victorherbert

After moving here from the suburbs of N.J. was shocked to find the "famous NYC pizza" to be worse than my own little hometown. Think I know why: everyone in NJ has a car and spends time trying out different pizzerias to find the best - more competition means better ingredients, etc. No competition in NYC (whose gonna walk more than a few blocks for a slice) means cheap, cheap, cheap - why spend money when you have a captive audience.

Jackwilson
Jackwilson

Any "New York" pizzeria on Hollywood Boulevard!

Brad
Brad

Well, Hershey, PA only had one pizza place in 1992 and this pizza was gawd-awful. Like eating "fresh seafood" in landlocked Almaty, Kazakhstan. By the way, the first time I had pizza in NYC was at a place just north of Washington Sq Park in the Spring of '92, and guess who was sitting at a table eating a slice? Musto. I knew who you were because I had watched the "Geraldo" show on Club Kids and had taped it on my VCR and watched it a few times by that point. I haven't been to Manhattan since '95 and naively thought that I could find this same pizza place in the Village on Google Street View, and I don't recognize that neighborhood at all. It doesn't even look the same. Weird. I'm getting old.

Kdon
Kdon

I was just out in LA area and had great pizza, whats really sad is that pizza joinits in tht NYC area have slipped mightily the past 10 years, not so much the brick oven places but the pizzerias we knew and went to growing up, its a shame, the same industrial canned acid sauce and plastic like cheese,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Sean
Sean

God Fathers Pizza anywhere USA

Jonny
Jonny

Tombstone frozen pizza. The name is a warning about things to come after eating one.

Jonster
Jonster

Which one was the original Ray's? Was it the one on 11th & 6th?

David
David

There used to be a place called Au Natural that had decent pizza, but it closed, and the Goat Cheese & Eggplant at Pizza Rustica is good. But none of it is NY Pizza, that's for sure.

greyhound girl
greyhound girl

It has been impossible for me to find a good slice of pizza in the entire state of Connecticut, and I've lived here going on five years now. The state's claim to fame-- "New Haven" style aka "Nepalese" pizza-- is nothing but a huge disappointment. The crust is not crusty, but always limp, often damp and paper thin, and without taste. I hate this state.

Damien W
Damien W

Forget New Haven "style", just follow 95 or the Post Road down to Fairfield County. That's where the good pizza is. Norwalk/Westport/Fairfield is a pizza hot zone. John's Best, Letizia's, Fat Cat, Westport Pizzeria, Jordan's (Greek style), Frank Pepe, Arcudi's, and on and on.

LostSoul
LostSoul

Washington, DC. No edible pizza within a 50 mile radius.

Me
Me

You've never been to pizza paradisio.... I have very good memories of it. Maybe you should stop ordering from domino's

Gabritt
Gabritt

two amy's is perfection!

Sue
Sue

Correct. And Alberto's is delish as well.

Der
Der

Two commenters in a row named Poland as the worst pizza. Stay away from Polish pizza!!!

Musto
Musto

OK, when I do "worst pizza in the world," I'll be sure to include Warsaw.

Gregorama
Gregorama

Oops...sorry...got a little sidetracked there. If we've got to stick to pizza created between our own sunny shores, I gotta go with the Catholics, in Catholic school, that is. I'm surprised it didn't turn me off of pizza altogether. The ladies in the hairnets would roll out these huge pans with some glutinous mess they called "pizza" and sprinkle it with some kind of cheese-food-substance that I've always remembered never "merged"...the little sprinkles always stayed distinctly apart, no matter how hot it got. And the smell/taste fell somewhere between foot and ass. Not good.

Timmie
Timmie

The pizza in Katowice, Poland, is ghastly.

Gregorama
Gregorama

I wonder if it's part of the chain I went to in Warsaw several years ago. I saw them actually putting KETCHUP (as in "out of the bottle") onto the slice of mystery dough that tasted like spackling compound. Now THAT was some bad pizza!

Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet
Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

Bogos on Truman Ave in Key West, Fl. Really vile, but a 2 am, they are all that delivers.

Angela Garcia as NeonMosfet

Epac
Epac

Almost any frozen pizza from the supermarket is cardboard-y.

MarkyMark
MarkyMark

What's more depressing is that even Costco's cheap pizza is better than most of the dreck out there these days...

Miss America
Miss America

South Beach Miami should be condemmed or be given to Cuba, everything / everybody there is repulsive.

David Dust
David Dust

Fat Sal's pizza on 10th Ave. How can pizza be so bland that you want to put SALT on it just so you can taste something???

Musto
Musto

PS: The photo is not specifically of the worst pizza I wrote about. It just looks bad.

timmmyk
timmmyk

ANY of the Ray's analogs serve undercooked , dough-ie crusted, bitter, sour sauced with globs of Grade-Z 'gheeze' on the Krust. Dangerously over exposed to the elements before re-heated and slopped out to unsuspecting shmoes. Greasy slime pies. Some day I'll tell you how I REALLY feel.

Judy McGuire
Judy McGuire

Are those Ruffles potato chips on that slice on the right?

Deepak
Deepak

The worst are thos e99 cent places, but what are you gonna do, ask for your money back?

Liv
Liv

Sbarro just declared bankruptcy. It is truly awful pizza.

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