The Five Best Things To Say To A Beggar

Categories: Advice

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We've all been in that awkward situation.

Someone desperate approaches us on the street for cash, coins, anything of value.

And our first instinct, bizarrely enough, is to evade, deny, and deprive.

So here are the best ways to do that so you at least come off a little slick in your cruelty.

5. "Sorry, I need it for laundry!"

4. "I was just gonna ask you the same question!"

3. "I just lost my life's fortune on the market, so while I may look like I have money to burn seeing as I'm still wearing my old clothes from when I was affluent, I'm so sorry that I can't even spare a quarter. Let me tell you the whole story starting at the beginning ..."

2. "I just gave all my cash and even some jewelry to the last beggar! You should have swung by a few minutes ago."

And the biggie ...

1. "Sure, here you go. Here's three dollars."

Yeah, what the fuck, let's try that one sometime.

You first.


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14 comments
MarilynLastman
MarilynLastman

 When I'm asked "Spare change?" I say, "Thanks, but you keep it, hon."

OhioOrrin
OhioOrrin

i give to charity thru my paycheck at WORK ! 

Rockchick
Rockchick

 Huh? It's making fun of people's evasions of homeless people, and ending it with a suggestion of giving them the money. Followed by "You first"--i.e., an admission of superficiality. 

The Pc police are the worst.

Candeist
Candeist

 this is sickening. New Yorkers still think that homelessness is good fodder for the butt of a joke. assholes.

Melinda9
Melinda9

You're assuming that panhandlers are homeless.

Prvibe
Prvibe

 I dig in my pocket and give him or her loose change and say in my head, "Here Echu, there but for the grace of god, go I."

Seamus75
Seamus75

Sorry I only carry plastic - do you take VISA?

j
j

"I gave you money last week!" 

Melinda9
Melinda9

I remember when I first moved to NYC long ago, I gave change to a bum and my companion who was an NYC native told me that all beggars were professionals who put on their shabby uniforms everyday and collected huge amounts annually and lived in penthouses. So now I usually walk past panhandlers - I would never give them an excuse. Just don't make eye contact.

tony adams
tony adams

"I'd like ta kiss ya, but I just washed my hair."

Musto
Musto

 From a Facebook friend: "Change comes from within."

Natali
Natali

 "I'm sorry, I don't have any cash on me but would you like some food instead?"

Then go to the nearest bodega, Starbucks, McDonalds, whatever and proceed to do a mitzvah.

Dow
Dow

 "Sorry, I only have hundreds."

Nibbs
Nibbs

 "How very dare you!"

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