The Five Worst Things About Fire Island

Categories: Gaaaaayyyyyy

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That season is approaching, when the gays and gay-friendly swarm to Fire Island to be away from it all.

But when they get there, they find every single person from New York, so they haven't gotten away from anything!

I happen to love the place anyway, with some noted exceptions.

They are:


5. Those awful creatures who look perfectly cute, but are horribly infectious if you get too intimate with them.

I mean the deers, silly.

4. The planks.

There are no cars and no streets, just wooden planks you clank upon to go back and forth from the beach to the ice cream place and back. It's kind of refreshing -- to a point.

3. The daylight.

You see people in bright light that you've never seen before except in a woozy nightclub. And it's even scarier than the deers! They look like melted Puppetoons!

2. The restaurants are overpriced and you can't always get a table anyway.

I've been forced to swallow meatball parmigiana heroes in the resort's one half-empty dive many a time. And I ended up feeling like even more of an outcast than before.

1. Everyone's on tit-spinning amounts of drugs, any drugs, all drugs.

Why commune with nature when you're fucking with your own?


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18 comments
Anon
Anon

your interpretation sucks yo obviously don't have a clue about what your talking about I've been going to Fire island since I was 10 months I eleven now no why not find something your good at  and stick to it because sorry mate this isn't your thing. If you hate so much why not pack a lunch box and enjoy the always summer vibe!By the way I'm Eleven

ColorMePretty75
ColorMePretty75

Hey Boys and Gals! It's so true Fire Island is secluded... I am extending an olive branch to those that would like a natural sun-kissed  tan. I will be making appt. in Fire island for Mobile Airbrush Tanning! All high end solutions, No Orange just hot sexy Tan! We offer muscle contouring,Shimmer and a buffet of additive personalize your perfect tan. Call Color Me Pretty at (631)383-9759 Licensed and Insured

elizabethcostello
elizabethcostello

I don't see much to dislike in that photo above. The blue-trunked and brown-skinned ones especially: Yummy!

Robby1957
Robby1957

and then there's the tomato party,7-4-1987,and that mod-art house w/marilyn monroe mural,oh,to be 29 again, robby,paul,ric,Stella too.

Whisk
Whisk

The nine hotties in the photo would beg to differ.

Reince
Reince

when will gay men realize that only a select few lifeguards in Australia look good in speedos (a garment that has been out of style for at least 40 years)?

tony adams
tony adams

Hunting and roasting the deer would solve two of your five problems.

tony adams
tony adams

Next time, pack a lunch box and your rose colored glasses.

franco
franco

If these hyperdeveloped, bodybuilder types, showing off a homogenized, urban gay, hairless aesthetic, assemble prideful on the beach, where are the Bears...

...frolicking with deer amongst ferns and fairies?

Jonster
Jonster

I LOVE Fire Island for all the reasons you mentioned. Except no. 2, but you can usually find someone to make you dinner or tag along to a barbecue.

Roi
Roi

I hate the fact that no one's awake till 1 PM and then they start tanning themselves and shrieking and carrying on.

Melinda9
Melinda9

Yes, the picture is stunning.

MSpeer
MSpeer

I enjoy the gay vibe, the great looking men, the drag queens, and the beauty of the island without any of the associated drama (except when my housemates and I laugh at some of those who take themselves so seriously).

Dislike the dear but what can you do.

Love the planks--although it's hell on your a pair of heels.

Maybe those who fear the daylight should give a little more thought to how they spend their evenings.

You hit the nail on the head about the restaurants!

And those who do the drugs can continue to do them--as long as it doesn't interfere with my enjoyment of this oasis!

Love the picture.

Diva
Diva

All true--plus the overpriced grocery stores.

Savannah Montogomery
Savannah Montogomery

Yes...even in this day and age...it's still a gay oasis...warts (pun intended) and all.

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