John Edwards' Defense: Here's What It Should Be
Disgraced ex-White House aspirant John Edwards has been indicted for violating campaign laws in supposedly funneling gifts to his girlfriend Rielle Hunter and then-aide Andrew Young in order to keep the affair hidden.
Edwards insists he didn't break any laws, but he should drop that tack like a pair of pants and instead say this to clear his name:
"Of course I spent money trying to keep my hot liaisons with Rielle a secret.
"If that relationship had come out, it would have ruined my chances.
"Actually, it did come out and it did ruin my chances -- so see what I mean?
"I had to do everything possible to throw people off the scent that I was sperminating a love child with a marital side dish.
"And all that donated cash was given to help me win, after all.
"So it was a totally valid use of that money. I did it so as not to disappoint my constituents, who were opening their wallets to get me in office.
"It's not my fault that it all backfired like a Kmart gun."
No, maybe not.