Way Inside Porn Star Francois Sagat

Mickey Boardman and I just got back from Philadelphia's Q Fest, where we hosted a screening of the short film Sagat -- about the artsy porn star with the scalp tattoo who's aiming to go mainstream -- and boy, are our arms tired.

Before the screening TLA's Erik Schut organized a dinner meet-and-greet with Sagat, and afterward Mickey and I did an onstage Q&A with the guy.

There was just one problem.

He didn't show! His arms weren't tired at all!

He missed his flight from Paris, saying he got sick.

Well, you know how ditzy porn stars can be.

Still, we went through with the screening and everything else, so I'm here to report my own Sagat guide to what's in the film:

*The short but potent Frenchie says his penis isn't long, but it's large. A fine distinction.

*As a child, he thought he was a girl and wanted to be a Barbie doll, until hitting puberty and realizing he wanted to be a man with hairy privates. (And those privates are large, if not long, as you'll recall.)

*He feels that "porn isn't a sexual act. It's a creation, a performance." Sometimes done in clown-face!

*And speaking of which, he once did a film with Hungarian straight guys who jerked off to photos of naked women and who hit him really hard. And he liked it!

And that's all I learned about François Sagat. Except that in his absence, Mickey and I were damned funny under duress. (And even funnier under my floor-length du-ress.)

The microphone was large and so was our shtick.

Porn stars, porn stars, porn stars. Who needs 'em?