What Would You Tell A Child To Make The World Seem Nicer?

Categories: Advice

lifeisbeautiful.jpg

Remember that Oscar-winning foreign film Life Is Beautiful, in which Roberto Benigni tells his son that the Holocaust is a big carnival game, to make it go down a wittle easier?

So what would you tell a child today to make them feel better about certain glaring realities in the world?

How about ...

*People who seem to be living in the streets are just waiting for their duplexes to be renovated.

*The Bachmanns don't really exist. They're evil pumpkins that appear whenever we breathe in too much air and get giddy. Click on the remote and they magically vanish!

*Sarah Palin doesn't exist either. That's just Tina Fey. Isn't she a riot?

*Mitt Romney exists, but don't worry. He can't really get anywhere because he's a Mormon.

*Reality shows are just holograms designed to make us feel better about ourselves.

And of course ...

*When people yell "fag," they're actually just asking for a cigarette. But don't give them one. That's illegal!


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10 comments
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Jack E. Jett
Jack E. Jett

I would tell them I would never make them watch another Roberto Benigni film or expose them to other Italian clowns.

latenitebump
latenitebump

santa claus only brings presents to nice kids.

candy
candy

Kim Kardashian is a sweet wholesome american girl who stays home and bakes apple pie, her sisters are alll nice sweet classy girls :)

Snooki is really smart she just acts dopey for TV.

TallulahB
TallulahB

Snooki really wrote her novel, James Franco really is in school and studying hard, Paris Hilton just plays at being a rich racist, and Rick Perry won't really become president if you eat your spinach.

Timmee
Timmee

All the obscenely rich people who control all the money in this country are only minding it for the rest of us. Just like Daddy and Papa do with the allowance Grandma gives you. 

jonster
jonster

For the child of New Age Hippies (like moi):  "Realize that your physical experience and environment is the materialization of your beliefs. If you find great exuberance, health, effective work, abundance, smiles on the faces of those whom you meet, then take it for granted that your beliefs are beneficial. If you see a world that is good, people like you, take it for granted again, that your beliefs are beneficial. But if you find poor health, a lack of meaningful work, a lack of abundance, a world of sorrow and evil, then assume your beliefs are faulty and begin examining them."

Or not.

Gregorama
Gregorama

For the gay, Oscar-centric child:  "Long before you were born, in 1999, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences gave their Best Actor Oscar to a silly man who made a terrible, false movie!  When they called his name, he walked on the seats and acted like he was brain-damaged and provided the single most embarassing moment in Oscar history!  But...then he played "Pinocchio" in an even WORSE movie and was never heard from again!  So, you see, child, life can be beautiful!"

Rino
Rino

Jack Lemmon didn't threaten to flash a nurse.

Redondo
Redondo

Your poopy is really chocolate sauce.

Tiger
Tiger

No Republicans exist at all. it's just a horror movie being projected onto the streets.

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