Halloween Is On A Monday This Year!

Categories: Advice

night-of-the-living-dead-zombies.jpg

And that's even more of a nightmare than the day is supposed to be!

It means that, after an entire weekend of dressing like Sarah Palin and scaring little children while untangling yourself from all the cheap faux spiderwebs from all those house parties you crashed in hopes of finding an apple without a razor blade in it, you then will be faced with Halloween.

On Monday, October 31, you will wake up in a pool of Day-Glo orange vomit with candy corn strewn through it and start all over again, getting all witchie-poo'd up and immersing yourself in crowds of roaming people who are creepy enough in their usual clothes, trying to scare up a good time by pretending to be the living dead for the fourth freakin' night in a row.

And on Tuesday, you won't be pretending anymore.

You'll have to wake up, blowtorch the fake blood out from between your teeth, take the broomstick out of your ass, pick the circus peanuts from your crotch, dislodge the fangs from your ears, and crawl to work.

This is a nightmare!



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6 comments
MSpeer
MSpeer

Doesn't matter what day of the week the holiday falls on. Our straight friends will clog Sixth Avenue with paraders and the crowds watching them, each one drunker than the next making the whole avenue impassable. 100,000 slutty nurses and slutty pirates. Good times.

mYtY
mYtY

ill be sure to avoid the streets and subway on 31st bet 2:30pm- 5 pm when the school kids will be causing havoc

Barkley
Barkley

As Roseanne said on one of her Halloween shows:  "Now the straights are trying to claim Halloween."

Adela
Adela

The good thing is that the Jerseyites might stay home Monday and I can run around and actually have fun.

Rabbit
Rabbit

Where on earth did you get that photo of the Osmond Brothers Reunion Tour?

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