Hollywood Whores Audition Notice: Let's Cast It

Categories: Theater

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Kirstie Alley may be coming to Broadway in a Lance Bass-produced play called The Fabulous Lies of Hollywood Whores, according to the Times' Patrick Healy.

If everything works out, Kirstie would play "The Pimp," a lady with an upscale escort service that's run out of a department store, but hey, the other parts are up for grabs.

Here's the casting notice from Playbill.

And here are my ideas for who should play what:


For "The Whore" (Man, late 20s. Top male escort in town.)

Justin Timberlake. He's Lance's ex-fellow-boy-bander, after all.


For "The D-Lister" (Woman, late 20s, early 30s).

Lindsay Lohan. She's 25, but definitely looks late 20s, early 30s.


For the multiple roles of "The E.T. Reporter/Ivana/Himalolah"

Rising star Nina Arianda. Just try and stop her.


And for "The Superstar" (Man, late 20s, early 30s).

Ryan Gosling. He can definitely pull it off -- and hopefully take it off.


You're welcome, Lance.

Thanks to lemonwade.com for the tip.


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20 comments
Joe
Joe

What is that weird-looking pink thing next to her mouth?

Keating3232
Keating3232

Michael, I know how much you love word play, so I hope it's already occurred to you what the real title of this piece of cheese should be.

"Whores in Stores"

And I'd much rather see YOU as Himalolah 

Movielover
Movielover

I don't want to be a meanie, but can Krissy even take a photo without it having to do with her eating?  Like the ship in Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, Immer Essen (always eating).  What is that anyway?  A fabulous fake nail covered in frosting?

Ynnocence
Ynnocence

Kirstie seems to be smarter, saner, realer, and funnier than all the Scientologist celebs put together. Is there something going on? Like she's not really as devout as they are, or she's bound to announce a breakaway in the near future? Or she's just the exception that proves the rule?

Southern Dave
Southern Dave

Since Kirstie is the Madam, it's only natural that male Scientologists play customers hot for some man-on-man action: Travolta, Cruise and Willie-Mae Smith.

Natali
Natali

I love your suggestions. I also love any articles about who should be play what since I'm thinking I might like to become a casting agent. More, please! ;D

Rangoon
Rangoon

Was it luck or didn't he audition along with probably thousands of other applicants?

Shasta
Shasta

If it were not for his luck  getting into a boy band that little  chubby no talent Queen would be working as  closeted tour guide at a Disney theme park

Rangoon
Rangoon

WTF is a Himalolah??

Jonster
Jonster

I like the way you cast this.  I also like the idea of whores in department stores.  You can pick up everything you'll need for a night of fun with your last stop at the whore counter. 

latenitebump
latenitebump

justin timberlake is not a man!d-lister getting ghetto...hmmmmm!

Bwaybill
Bwaybill

Your casting ideas are great!! Or make it an all Scientology cast, with Travolta, Will Smith, and Jenna Elfman.

Bashfuljones
Bashfuljones

Lindsay actually looks late 40s/early 50s.

Vivi
Vivi

Something edible.

Musto
Musto

Yes, great title! And I'd LOVE to play "ET Reporter/Ivana/Himalolah"

Musto
Musto

Well, to be fair, that was an ad for her show The Big Life, which was about being, you know, big.

mjm
mjm

she's been in France-Italy for most of October, maybe she senses the eventual shitstorm that the FBI has been gathering on the cult and jumped ship (her former bff Lisa Marie Presley did it after MJ's death and I'm also hearing Elisabeth Moss and Leah Remini have quietly left too)

Jonster
Jonster

It may have boiled down to who was willing to toot Lou Pearlman's whistle. 

gato liso
gato liso

Which store: Mays, Macy's, Tiffany's( whores nirvana), Lane Bryant, K Mart, Home Depot. or the US Post Office ( great cruising - no joke).

Movielover
Movielover

Good reply (info)!  I didn't know that was an old photo.  Maybe her face wasn't that fat or it's been photo-chopped.

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