Hollywood Whores Audition Notice: Let's Cast It

Hollywood Whores Audition Notice: Let's Cast It

By Michael Musto Thu., Oct. 27 2011 at 11:30 AM

Kirstie Alley may be coming to Broadway in a Lance Bass-produced play called The Fabulous Lies of Hollywood Whores, according to the Times' Patrick Healy.

If everything works out, Kirstie would play "The Pimp," a lady with an upscale escort service that's run out of a department store, but hey, the other parts are up for grabs.

Here's the casting notice from Playbill.

And here are my ideas for who should play what:

For "The Whore" (Man, late 20s. Top male escort in town.)

Justin Timberlake. He's Lance's ex-fellow-boy-bander, after all.

For "The D-Lister" (Woman, late 20s, early 30s).

Lindsay Lohan. She's 25, but definitely looks late 20s, early 30s.

For the multiple roles of "The E.T. Reporter/Ivana/Himalolah"

Rising star Nina Arianda. Just try and stop her.

And for "The Superstar" (Man, late 20s, early 30s).

Ryan Gosling. He can definitely pull it off -- and hopefully take it off.

You're welcome, Lance.

Thanks to lemonwade.com for the tip.

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Joe

What is that weird-looking pink thing next to her mouth?

Vivi

Something edible.

Keating3232

Michael, I know how much you love word play, so I hope it's already occurred to you what the real title of this piece of cheese should be.

"Whores in Stores"

And I'd much rather see YOU as Himalolah

Musto

Yes, great title! And I'd LOVE to play "ET Reporter/Ivana/Himalolah"

Movielover

I don't want to be a meanie, but can Krissy even take a photo without it having to do with her eating? Like the ship in Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid, Immer Essen (always eating). What is that anyway? A fabulous fake nail covered in frosting?

Musto

Well, to be fair, that was an ad for her show The Big Life, which was about being, you know, big.

Movielover

Good reply (info)! I didn't know that was an old photo. Maybe her face wasn't that fat or it's been photo-chopped.

Ynnocence

Kirstie seems to be smarter, saner, realer, and funnier than all the Scientologist celebs put together. Is there something going on? Like she's not really as devout as they are, or she's bound to announce a breakaway in the near future? Or she's just the exception that proves the rule?

mjm

she's been in France-Italy for most of October, maybe she senses the eventual shitstorm that the FBI has been gathering on the cult and jumped ship (her former bff Lisa Marie Presley did it after MJ's death and I'm also hearing Elisabeth Moss and Leah Remini have quietly left too)

Southern Dave

Since Kirstie is the Madam, it's only natural that male Scientologists play customers hot for some man-on-man action: Travolta, Cruise and Willie-Mae Smith.

Natali

I love your suggestions. I also love any articles about who should be play what since I'm thinking I might like to become a casting agent. More, please! ;D

Rangoon

Was it luck or didn't he audition along with probably thousands of other applicants?

Jonster

It may have boiled down to who was willing to toot Lou Pearlman's whistle.

Shasta

If it were not for his luck getting into a boy band that little chubby no talent Queen would be working as closeted tour guide at a Disney theme park

Rangoon

WTF is a Himalolah??

Jonster

I like the way you cast this. I also like the idea of whores in department stores. You can pick up everything you'll need for a night of fun with your last stop at the whore counter.